Last updated on February 9th, 2015
In this episode, C.C. and B.F. have been on a paleo-based diet for the past month and C.C., suffering from a lack of baked goods, resorts to drastic measures.
Hardcore cavemen would stop C.C. right there at the words “paleo baking.”
“There’s no such thing, you oxy-moron,” they’d say, and “Cooking anything is wrong!” and “You aren’t supposed to recreate mainstream foods.”
But C.C. and B.F. aren’t involved in any sort of tribal cultish cave people group. They aren’t fasting or letting blood or looking for any hipster points, unless Foursquare has a caveman badge C.C. has not yet discovered. And poor C.C. is having a difficult time with this whole “no grains” thing. Her genes have certainly evolved past the age where there was nary a muffin or cookie in sight. And, plain and simple, C.C. loves bread. Take her to an Indian restaurant and she’ll predictably skip the rice and double up on the naan.
And what happens when C.C. has been driven crazy by lack of baked goods? Well, after sneaking a few cookies at the café behind B.F.’s back, (shhhh, don’t tell him!), she decides to stop the guilt and do something positive. She will surprise her caveman with some paleo baked goods. After all, he’s been cooking her fantastic meals every night: stuffed chicken breast, macadamia encrusted fish, filet mignon, cavemen never had it so good!
So, to delight her special hominid after he returns from a hard day of hunting, she runs out of her cave to gather all manner of coconut -based cooking ingredients to make him something along the lines of an Upside-Down-Flint-Rubble-Double-Bubble Cake.
The Paleo Almond Macaroons were a simple-enough recipe calling for shredded unsweetened coconut, sliced raw almonds, raw honey, and egg whites, to which C.C. was inspired to add a squirt of Meyer lemon, a dash of vanilla (certainly not paleo), and a smidge of cinnamon, and thereby feel she’s a right gourmet. The results? Well, they came out a bit over-toasted, but edible. And compared to the nut flour muffins, fairly good. But only fairly.
The Nut Flour Muffins, as you can well imagine with any faux bakery whose ingredients consist of almond flour, eggs, banana, and coconut oil, were a bit heavy and, well, unappetizingly ugly. And to her detriment, C.C. forgot to add some fruit to them, so she compensated by putting strawberries on top. Pretty!
But realistically, this recipe would be best repurposed as a pancake with a fruit compote on top. In fact, C.C. thought the strawberries tasted better than the muffins. Nevertheless, this did not stop her from sampling two of the so-called muffins, so deprived of baked goods was she.
Lesson learned for all you cave-people out there: There is no such thing as paleo baked goods, only paleo baked bads. And as usual for C.C., any foray into the kitchen proves be yet another episode in experiment baking.
And how did her stone-age B.F. find the muffins? Well, he scarfed down a few, beat his chest, and said, “I kind of like the texture of this, but then, I like stodgy things.”