Last updated on February 28th, 2019
Has anyone done a comprehensive study on how your sense of humor changes after you’ve been in a relationship with someone for a really long time? Like, is there a sine curve for how low the bar can go on inside jokes with your spouse after more than a decade together?
This is not a good joke. But somehow the continued existence of Pizza Hut provides constant fodder for discussion in our household.
No matter how repellent the new special, limited-edition, supersize item they’re rolling out, the Hut becomes a touchpoint for Dan and I to make constant facetious commentary about that’s what we really want for dinner, how that should be the highlight of our weekend plans, etc etc.
It’s so lame. I can’t condone it. But it happens.
(It also doesn’t help that there’s a Pizza Hut in the same shopping center as our gym and another one on our usual route home. It’s like it’s begging us to make fun of it!)
I admit, we were seduced by the Hut’s promises when the pretzel crust came out, but after the (unsurprising) disappointment of the product, I swore that the “fool me once” rule was in full effect and I’d never be so weak again.
So when the garlic knot stuffed crust was unleashed on the world, I was not swayed. I was not tempted. I was just going to make it myself.
But instead of a plain old pizza, a calzone seems better suited to the doughy charms of a garlic knot crust.
With a more even overall dough distribution, a calzone is a better architectural strategy. It lets you stuff in more cheese, sauce, and ingredients without collapsing under the weight of itself, and is more sturdily situated for scooping up said ingredients with the knots.
With a pizza, you’re facing off with essentially two different meal approaches: the knot and the slice. With a calzone, they’re handily integrated into one.
With my easy, beer-infused pizza dough recipe, you can make two big old garlic knot calzones that feed a family or a casual dinner party, or freeze half the dough and make two mini calzones that put personal pan pizzas to shame.
See, it appears that you can, in fact, out-pizza the Hut. Burn!