Last updated on February 11th, 2015
Remember the Ask Casey post about shelling out for a stand mixer? Well, that question was asked by me. For a long time now, I’ve been feeling the pressure to buy one, but have resisted due to sticker shock. It’s hard to justify 300 shekels. Plus, I’m not a baker. I have limited cravings for sweets and following precise directions makes my brain hurt.
Yet, because I continued to feel a nagging pull, I asked Casey, who persuaded me to bite the KitchenAid bullet. I started getting all Martha, fantasizing about the smell of fresh bread in my apartment and the festive holiday cookies I would make. I told my mom that I wanted the pasta attachment for Christmas. Ah, heck, who am I kidding? It was the colors that won me over! Don’t these beasts look like they were painted with nail polish? I’m drawn to Volkswagens for the same reason.
I did a lot of homework and kept my eyes on all the sales. Finally, Macy’s had a Veteran’s Day sale that I couldn’t resist. The KitchenAid stand mixer was on sale for $189! The downside was that this price was for the Classic which is plain white. The mint green one that I was drooling over was a whopping $100 more!
I wiped my chin and went for the Classic. It felt like the most grown-up purchase I had made since buying my couch. I had done my research and clipped my coupons. I even got finger blisters from carrying this little workhorse a mere four blocks from the subway to my apartment.
My first date with the stand mixer was of course going to be pizza dough. There I was with marinara sauce bubbling on the stove top, basil leaves at the ready, fresh mozzarella, and a new jar of anchovies. I attached the dough hook, dumped in 2 cups of flour, the water, the yeast, watched it spin, spin, sp… then nothing. I unplugged and re-plugged. Nothing. I read the owner’s manual. Nothing. I called my mother. Still nothing! I got the boyfriend involved.
“I”m just a girl,” I said, twirling my hair.
“Let’s try another outlet. Unplug the toaster. Plug there,” he grunted.
Two large buzzing sounds ensued and the entire apartment filled with smoke and the stench of burning wire. Smoke continued to pour out of the stand mixer in a long, thin stream as we each grabbed a side and did a triage style run with it to the open kitchen window.
“I think it’s defective,” said boyfriend.
The thought of hauling it back down to Macy’s without the help of a small mule was unbearable, so I called KitchenAid. After hearing so many stories about the strength and longevity of the stand mixer, I thought for sure they were going to fall all over me with apologies. (Maybe even give me a mint green one for my pain and suffering!) Instead, they gave me the third degree.
“Ma’am, can you tell me how many cups of flour you put in,” said the customer service rep.
“Only twooooo!,” I cried.
“Well, ma’am, these mixers are made with pride in our Ohio factory. We’re going to ask you to send it back to us. We rather you not take it back to the store. We’ll determine if there’s a problem.”
“But this sucker is brand new! I hope you’re planning on giving me a new one. You did hear the words CAUGHT FIRE, right? My apartment still smells like the Jersey Turnpike!”
“Ma’am, I’m sorry about that, but we’re really gonna need to take a look at this ourselves before we can determine what went wrong.”
So, the send-back kit came, and I’ve packaged up my sad, broken foray into the world of baking. The kit also came with a waiver requesting my credit card number so they could charge me for the repairs. I declined to provide them with this information and wrote a more polite version of FAT CHANCE on the signature line. So as soon as I find that small mule to haul the package over to a FedEx drop-off, I’ll let you know the fate of my stoopid stand mixer.