Food is Complicated. Making it Shouldn’t Be.
Today’s contributor, Lillian Medville, makes grain-free, dairy-free, cane sugar-free, and soy-free recipes for the very first time on camera at Lillian’s Test Kitchen. She calls it an “online comedy cooking show” but I think it’s more of a dramedy, because it’s both hilarious to watch her commentary on each recipe but also thought-provoking to see how complex and challenging–and, yes, delicious–life with food allergies can be. Here, Lillian shares her story.
I’m allergic to gluten, dairy, cane sugar, and soy. I struggled with these four food allergies for years. It took me more or less seven years to figure out that I had them, and then another 10 years to figure them all out.
I didn’t know that food allergies were “a thing.” All the people I knew could eat whatever they wanted and so while I felt very alone, it never occurred to me that I needed to be more proactive about my food. I resented the fact that I was different, so I tried to pretend that I wasn’t. I didn’t want to draw attention to myself, so I would go out to eat with my friends, and just hope for the best. As a consequence, I often got sick and increasingly found that, for all my pretense of nonchalance, I just couldn’t relax around food. It was like I was always waiting for a food allergy attack. Because I was.
The problem was that I didn’t bake for myself, and I rarely cooked for myself, so I ate out a lot. But eating out was like playing Russian Roulette with my health–where the bullets in the gun are gluten, dairy, cane sugar, and soy, but they don’t kill you, they just result in nausea, vomiting, abdominal pain, brain fog, bloating, and the rapid swelling of the throat.
Rather than a source of comfort and a social glue, food became something that kept me apart from friends and family. I always needed to have a special meal. And even with a special meal, I didn’t feel comfortable eating with everyone else, partially because it made my difference so apparent, and partially because I had so much anxiety around food that the experience was rarely enjoyable anyway.
And so I started cooking.
I discovered Elana Amsterdam‘s The Gluten-Free Almond Flour Cookbook
and realized there was a whole community of people out there like me who couldn’t eat the food that I couldn’t eat. Just knowing that was liberating. Here was proof: I am not alone and I am not crazy! It’s not all in my head. This is a real thing. There is a large community of gluten-free people who, like me, can’t digest the mixture of grains used in all the gluten-free flour mixes.
But starting to cook was scary. I had to bulk order almond flour and coconut flour sight unseen. And find grapeseed oil, agave nectar, and chocolate with no dairy or soy or sugar in it. And all of these other very specific ingredients that I, of course, could never get all in one place. Following recipes for the first time can be dicey even without restrictions, and I looked around for people who were doing a cooking show with my kind of ingredients, but it just didn’t exist. The gluten-free people all use flours that I can’t use. The vegans use tons of soy and gluten. The raw people don’t use ovens.
I had gone to NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts for acting, and I had been auditioning here and there and working in small independent films, but was tired of waiting for someone else to choose me. I wanted to do something of my own. And I was getting more and more interested in learning how to feed myself in a way that actually felt good for the first time. So I bought a camera, read the manual obsessively for a month, asked a friend to shoot with me, and started my own show. And this is it. Hope you like it.
In this episode, I make raspberry thumprint mini-cakes and just a heads up, they are delicious.
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As a severe peanut/nut allergy sufferer, I understand what you mean about playing Russian Roulette (although mine ends in a trip to the ER, so I can’t really play that game). I started baking for myself because it seems like every bakery has the “may contain peanuts/nuts” warning slapped on for liability purposes because no companies want to take responsibility for their manufacturing processes. It’s so frustrating not to be able to eat dessert anywhere, to be able to eat virtually no chocolate whether it contains nuts or not, and to have to avoid going to certain places that use peanut oil. But it’s also satisfying to cook and bake from scratch, knowing that I don’t have to let my allergy prevent me from eating great food. Great post!
Thanks Tracy!
Good on you for taking your health into your own hands! You’re awesome!
Great post, with a great title. I couldn’t agree more. We make things too complicated, don’t we?! Okay, no wonder your videos are so well done. You’re an actress! I love your video stories about cooking! Thanks and keep up the good work.
Melissa
My grandmother struggled with food allergies all her life, and it was such a stigma that she ended up just eating what everyone else wanted. In her later years, she was always in pain, and I’m sure a lot of that had to do with eating what she shouldn’t. I’m so glad that you’ve stood up for yourself and taken back the enjoyment of food. It’s empowering.
How awesome that you just picked up and started your own show! I’m personally not allergic to any foods (that I know of, at least), but I have friends and family member who are gluten intolerant, lactose intolerant, allergic to strawberries, tomatoes, anything with citrus, etc. So cooking for them has made me MUCH more aware of the issue.
Your definitely not alone! Thanks so much for sharing your story Lillian – I think it helps to make others feel less alone!
I love your story, now it all makes sense….the acting part. Your videos are fun to watch, you are always so real. My girls love watching them with me! :)
Oh, and those almond butter cookies look divine…..I wonder if you could add some cocoa powder to the dough for a “chocolate raspberry thumbprint cookie”? Yum!
Love this post! Thank you for sharing your story with us. I know how tricky it can be navigating combination allergies- thank goodness there is more awareness and more great products out than there used to be! Elana’s cookbook is definitely a great resource. Love her biscuits- I’ve been craving them lately. ;)
-Sea
when i want guilt-free entertainment (guilt-free because i always learn something) i turn to lillian’s site. she is the best combo of lucille ball and julia child anyone could hope for. i’m addicted!!
Lillian, you are such a great role model. Don’t sit around and feel sorry or make life complicated, just go for it like Lillian did! I love how you’ve turned your natural talents into a way to inspire.
Wow – this is incredible and so inspirational for those suffering with food allergies.
I don’t have food allergies, but I know it is more common today. I’m sure you’re helping bring more awareness and more importantly, making it so all of the other people with allergies don’t feel so alone! Kudos!
I can’t even tell you all how amazing these comments are. Thank you so much!!!! Reading all of these this morning has brighten my day, perked me up, and brought a huge smile of happiness and gratitude to my face. Thank you!!!!!!
love!
Love her!
No food allergies here, but I’d imagine dealing with them had to be really tough. But it is inspirational the way you were able to combine your talents to take on the challenge!
I love reading stories like this. I have several food allergies, too, and on top of it I’m not trying to be a vegetarian. It makes eating out quite difficult, but not impossible.
I did not know this many food allergies could exist in one person until I met a young woman in Provincetown MA who has the same allergies as you, Lillian. Her solution? Culinary school, yes, but then a raw foods diet. She has a gig at the health food store now, cooking. The raw food is simply delicious. I took a course with her, FarmMaids Food, it is called. Making almond milk, you end up with almond meal that can be dehydrated into almond flour, a much cheaper option than purchase.
Alexandra, you’ll love the video guest post I’m doing for Lillian’s site soon – a step-by-step tutorial for homemade almond milk!
I do have some food sensitivities (is that the same as allergies? Not sure), so I appreciate the thoughts of someone who’s been there and done that.
Looking through the comments, I’m looking forward to your tutorial on the almond milk, I remember your post about that. I’ve got my almonds ready!
Great story – reading it I really feel the liberation that comes from taking steps to create a lifestyle (food style) that works for you. And then the added fun-ness of sharing it with others who relate. So glad to have discovered Lillian.
I admire Lillian for making eating with food allergies such a positive experience. I’m going to keep her recipes and show in mind because you never know when food allergies will become a part of your life.
I’m allergic to wheat (though not all of the other ingredients!) so I’m always happy to hear about people creating alternative recipes.